Real Pirates Don’t Floss

Editorial
by Jim Du Molin

Perhaps you’ll remember that last week I told you that Pirates of the Caribbean star Johnny Depp vetoed the idea of Captain Jack Sparrow toothpaste. “How can a guy with gold teeth sell toothpaste?” Depp asked. “It’s like a bald man selling shampoo.”

Though the movie is receiving tepid reviews, it’s made dental headlines once again. It was recently revealed that director Gore Verbinski encouraged the cast not to brush their teeth during filming of the movie. It’s enough to make you wonder: does workers’ comp cover dental decay?

The director also devoted much time to developing “ugly dentures” for all cast members, even extras. In fact, he vigilantly scanned all footage to ensure there was no sign of suspiciously straight or clean teeth.

I just thought it would be more authentic to have pirates with bad teeth since I’m sure they never flossed,” Verbinski was quoted as saying. (It’s still unclear to me why he’d encourage his actors not to floss their own teeth if they were wearing fake teeth during filming. He seems distinctly more concerned with the authenticity of his film than the dental health of his cast!)

As if fuzzy teeth weren’t bad enough: he also insisted the actors not bathe or use deodorant. “I wanted them to look smelly. They’re not taking baths every day, they’re probably not eating well and they have scurvy. And there’s probably all sorts of strange things growing on them. I sort of wanted the film to be stinky,” he said.

“Dentures,” You Say?

Obviously the director is not a prosthodontist. The false teeth worn by the actors fortunately did not require removing their original teeth.

Famous for taking his roles seriously, Depp was unwilling to wear the removable pirate teeth sported by other cast members. He kept his pirate smile for well over a year until the third (and apparently final) movie finished filming.

In an interview, Depp described his teeth. “Talk about my teeth? Well, they’ve had plenty of problems over the years… several root canals… once they found the tip of a drill bit in one of the canals… that was horrible.” he told the Cinema Source. “They do something to make the surface of the tooth kind of rough. Then they hot glue and bound these things onto my own choppers. The process of taking them off can be ugly. I don’t really notice them anymore; I’m kind of used to them now.”

Sounds Great! Where Can I Get My Own?

Not so long ago, rappers made removable dental grills all the rage for hip-hop teens. Now it seems the pirate crowd has launched their own fad: costume pirate teeth, guaranteed to be totally ugly.

For $22 you can get several gold-colored covers for your front teeth. Dentists will be delighted by the sharp edges used to hold these in place.

A mere $10 will get you a set of Billy Bob teeth. A reusable cover for top teeth, the Billy Bob is available with a wide variety of terrible dental problems.

Or spend the $22 to get yourself some skeleton teeth, replete with blackened gums and a grayish color that would make even pirates nervous.

At just under $20, Scarecrow® custom pirate teeth are described thusly: “These are three-dimensional cast acrylic teeth (not painted on). The teeth customize only to the front of your teeth creating a snap-fitting of unsurpassed wearability. The transparent liner forms a rigid mold of your teeth leaving your bite surfaces, soft pallet and the back of the teeth completely uncovered for a new level of comfort and natural speech.”

Or you could just suck on a grape lollipop and slide a little foil paper over a few teeth!

Ways to Make Your Teeth Look Ugly

I had a friend in high school who loved Reese’s peanut butter cups. After she was finished, she would always slide the dark brown paper liner over a front tooth and act like a hillbilly. It was highly entertaining.

Now, I know you don’t specialize in giving people ugly smiles. But do you have any stories about people trying to make their teeth worse? Post your comments below!

Jim Du Molin

About Jim Du Molin

+Jim Du Molin is a leading Internet marketing expert for dentists in North America. He has helped hundreds of doctors make more money in their practices using his proven Internet marketing techniques.

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